Malfunctioning MAGA Monkeys

 Closing observations after an eventful week in New York:

Right-wing MAGA news channels are doing anything they can to deliver this message to their brain-dead audience: If you're a member of a jury that finds 34/34 guilty of any felony, you're risking your life because someone will want to kill you.

Rep. Mike Johnson is as close to a two-gallon bucket of dried dog turds as any other MAGA maniac in Congress. When he says the Waste of Shit being found guilty on all 34 counts proves the American justice system in our democracy has been destroyed, he's completely wrong. An acquittal on any single charge would have represented a minor failure at most, but acquittal on all of them would have been a disaster.

When Mike suggests that he'll persuade the Extreme Court, based on his cordial personal relationships with shitbirds like Sammy Alito and Clearance Sale Thomas among others, to overrule the New York court and exonerate the Waste of Shit, he's a prime example of massive failure requiring immediate termination of any government service. When 34/34 took charge of the former GOP, he made the entire party a shelter for corrupt mental defectives.

MAGA media and MAGA maniacs want everyone to believe that 34/34's conviction will be a huge boost to his campaign. Okay, he's definitely using the verdicts as a fund-raising issue, but he uses everything as a fund-raising gimmick. And for the record, any voter who tells a pollster he/she will vote for the Waste of Shit because he's now a convicted felon was always going to vote for him because he/she is a goddamned idiot.

Making America Groan Again

Russia illegally interfered in a presidential election in the U.S. to install a TV game show host with zero qualifications in the White House as a puppet that Putin can control. Tell me again how this was supposed to make America a better place.

Conceal and Confuse

If the (R)s were honest, they'd go on the record with the simple truth:

"We know we can't win any national election without voter suppression, foreign money, and a ton of covert interference by Russia. Since that's the way things are, we'll go along with anything he does."

But (R)s realize that if they were completely honest, they might lose roughly 20 percent of their current voter support, maybe a little more or a little less. That explains the smokescreens and misdirection plays they're using to confuse people who can't keep track of details.

Remember that in 2016, about 54 percent of the votes went to somebody other than Donny Dumpster.

PS added 12:28 AM: New York Times reports D. Dumpster in a state of shock because his staffers told him he wouldn't be impeached. Now they're working on ways to make impeachment a big plus for his campaign. Good fuckin' luck with that move.

Am I the only one who thinks Madam Speaker does her best work when she's squeezing some (R) bastard's nuts in her clenched fist?

The Real Witch Hunt

We've been seeing these TV reality show-based stunts for nearly three years, but Donny Strunz returns to them again and again because it's all he knows. When the pressure builds and he feels everything slipping away, Strunz invariably seizes the attention of the national news organizations by announcing something so outrageous it can't be ignored. There's usually a short-term two-for-one payoff. For 36 hours or so, the press is not talking about the bad news that will bring him down. Instead, the discussion focuses on Strunz wielding the awesome power he alone possesses to destroy some treasured national institution. Not only is the media distracted, but his mortal enemies (Democrats) retreat in panic and despair.

Knowledgeable witnesses are parading into House committee meetings to share information that should severely damage his reelection chances, and most of the media commentary involves speculation about the depth of the shit Strunz is buried in. He loses another court case. Suddenly, just like clockwork, the White House feeds a story to the New York Times saying corrupt AG Booger Barr is opening a criminal investigation that will prove Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, the FBI, and the CIA are the real villains in the 2016 election scandal.

This tired old stunt looks like the kind of thing that typically blows up in Strunz's face, and I expect that after the Washington press gnaws on the story for a few days, the "investigation" will quietly fade from the headlines. Those of us paying attention already know why a counterintelligence investigation of Strunz and his ties to Russia was opened during the 2016 campaign. Unless Booger is a bigger idiot than he seems to be, he knows the reasons, too. The last thing he wants is more IC whistleblowers giving depositions to Adam Schiff's committee during the 2020 campaign. The truth is something he wants to keep buried.

So there's a report that the AG has ordered criminal investigations of the people Strunz and his followers hate most of all. In Deplorable Donny World, everyone can celebrate for a while because this new conspiracy theory is the best one ever!

Just like them?

Journalists who study and write about Deplorable Disciples of Donhole have often found that most of them happily admit they're loyal to him because, they say, "He's just like us."

Donny Strunz is an habitual liar, a narcissistic sociopath, a traitor, incompetent, corrupt, lazy, stupid, and depraved, among other things. If he has a single redeeming quality, he hasn't shown it yet. Any way we slice it, he's a cubic mile of shit in a two-gallon bucket.

That makes Donny and the people who are proud he's just like them The Worst People on Earth.

Rich

There are plenty of wealthy people who are decent, intelligent, and compassionate. Sadly, none of them have anything at all to do with Donny Kak's so-called administration. It's obvious now that Donny consciously tries to avoid hiring people who are morally superior to him. If you want a position in this "executive" branch, you need to be at least as rotten as Donny himself.

It didn't take long to get from democracy to kakistocracy in this country, did it? All that was necessary was one crooked presidential election.

The Bernie Rule?

The Democratic Party has finally decided that if you want to be the party's presidential candidate, you have to be a Democrat. Better late than never, I suppose.

Updated 6:47 PM Monday 27 August: More about Bernie voters from Newsweek. It was bad enough that so many of them didn't vote at all, but a bunch of them apparently voted for Donnie Diddlyfuck. That's just fucking great. 

Today's question

If the founding fathers believed the president should have the divine rights and absolute power of a royal monarch, why did they fight the American revolutionary war? Somebody needs to ask Rudy Tootie to explain that.

I believe getting out of the current predicament is going to require that things get a lot worse for a lot of people before they can start to get better. That's unfortunate, but I don't see any way around it. I've read that leaders of other countries are planning retaliatory tariffs designed to inflict maximum pain on areas in the United States that strongly support Donnie Diddlysquat. I hope it's true.

The following is an excerpt from a June 2nd Forbes article:

"Mexico said it will retaliate with similar penalties on American lamps, pork, fruit, cheese and flat steel. Canada announced that tariffs on $12.8 billion in U.S. exports will start in July. Europe set retaliatory tariffs - 25% on American products such as motorcycles, denim, cigarettes, peanut butter, whiskey, orange and cranberry juice. 

This seemingly random list of products is not so random. They are targeted to hit Trump’s base in states like Wisconsin and Kentucky, the home states of the Republican leadership including House Speaker Paul Ryan and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell."

Updated 4:30 PM Tuesday 5 June: Well, we saw this coming, didn't we?

Fake News

Donnie Doolittle's concept of fake news: Any news report that exposes him as ignorant, incompetent, corrupt, lazy, dishonest, or psychopathic, or that factually reports the immoral or illegal act he's committed, is committing, or is planning to commit.

Actual fake news: Any news report that states or suggests the possibility that Donnie is intelligent, capable, honest, ethical, energetic, sane, or rational, or describes any action he's taken as effective or beneficial to all Americans.

Contrasts

Sen. Al Franken and his fellow members of the Democratic Party are setting the standard for properly responding to allegations of sexual misconduct. It's a fucking shame that Republicans will never follow this example with Donnie Doughnuts, Redneck Roy, and the other stinking maggots on their side. Reason number 2,681,444 why we don't need Republicans anymore (if we ever did).

By the way, why did a worthless shit bubble like Roger Stone know this was coming?

Want Donnie Tootie Fruity feeling up his daughter? Here you go...

One sick bastard

Changing Times

Remember when Republicans spent hours and hours pissing and moaning because candidate Barack Obama failed to wear the mandatory American flag lapel pin? As I recall, that phony furor went on for at least several days. It makes me wonder how they'd react if President Obama had ever behaved like Donny Covfefe has been behaving since last Friday. Fox News would've demanded a firing squad, and every Southern Republican would've said that was too lenient.

Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

It's now clear that Donnie TRash dUMP has a hardcore following that will never abandon him, regardless of what he says or does, or what felonies he's committed or intends to commit. They're the Republican voters the Republican Party tried to pretend didn't exist, until TRash dUMP drew them out of their dark, damp places by promising them that being an obnoxious asshole in public would make America great again. 

The TRash dUMPers are typically white males with no college education, but the main thing they have in common is resentment over so-called political correctness, the standards of socially acceptable behavior that kept them hidden in dark, damp places to begin with. Donnie's white supremacist political agenda is the red meat he uses to keep dUMPers howling at his rallies, and he tosses them big raw chunks every time he feels the noose tightening.

It's not impossible that for one reason or another, Donnie might not finish his first term. Washington Monthly understands that the dUMPers will be pissed off and resist the idea of hiding in dark, damp places again. But really, who gives a shit?

Voters vs Supporters

There's a reason why we need to differentiate between people who VOTED for Donnie Two Scoops, and people who SUPPORT him. It's theoretically possible to change the minds of the VOTERS, but the SUPPORTERS are already over the rim and they ain't coming back.

What Trumpkin losers look like

The 22-year cycle

I've been contemplating the current Donnie Two Scoops national catastrophe and decided there's an identifiable cycle: Every 22 years, the Republican Party uses an election to make itself (and America) significantly worse than it already is. The cycle began in 1972, when Nixon won his second term, and his corruption resulted in the Watergate investigation.

The next big GOP shift in the wrong direction occurred 22 years later in the 1994 mid-term elections, when the so-called Gingrich Revolution enabled the party to gain majorities in Congress. The Clinton impeachment resulted, and the seeds of the tea party movement were planted.

The GOP, already rotten to the core, went completely apeshit in 2016, putting incompetent game show host Donnie Two Scoops in the White House with the help of the Russians. In less than 22 weeks, we're already seeing the preliminary hearings in the Trump/Russia investigation on TV.

For the sake of comparison, Trump/Russia = Nixon/Watergate x 10,000 and Clinton/Lewinsky x 10,000,000.

Making Nixon look good.

One Hundred Days

Politico features an interesting profile of a goddamned clusterfuck. The clock is running, Fat Daddy.

Added 10:34 AM Tuesday 11 April:

For those who might be fretting about Fat Daddy's perplexing pinball approach to foreign and domestic policy, apparently everything hinges on Ivanka's moods. Fat Daddy has successfully transformed his so-called administration (sic) into an around-the-clock reality TV show. Ivanka gets a sad, and Fat Daddy orders $50,000,000 worth of Tomahawk missles burned off. This thing he's got for her is very creepy.

History in the making

If things continue at this pace, history will be made. Never before will so many people have started and ended their political careers in the first few weeks of a president's term in office. I just made that up, but I'm fairly sure that everyone who serves in Chip Dip's administration will never work in government again when it's finally over. Whenever that happens to be.

Of course, people like DeVos, Ben Carson, Steve Bannon and Donald himself should never have held government jobs of any kind in the first place.

Fucking Brat

Every American citizen should be outraged by a so-called president who must be pampered like a spoiled child, including the manner in which intelligence briefings are prepared and presented to his royal heinie.

For some reason, this doesn't bother most Republicans. That's because they're also assholes.

Conflict

Sometimes I think it's helpful to understand how the world appears to my enemies, so I thought this piece in Washington Monthly was interesting as a look at how hardcore right-wing media are evaluating the power struggle between President Bannon and Priebus.

Random Thoughts (Post-Indiana)

Eduardo (Ted) Cruz told everyone who'd listen that the Indiana primary was the last chance for God's people to ward off the threat of Trump. It didn't work, and now he gone.

Trump sucks ass, but Cruz is even worse. That's amazing. I didn't think it was possible until I saw it for myself.

Opinions are divided at this stage. Will Trump win a landslide victory in November, or be crushed in a landslide defeat? Here's what seems likely to me:

Trump is a creation of the media, particularly television. Unlimited free media coverage made his campaign possible. The media made Trump, and the media has the ability to destroy him. This party is just getting started.

Trump can't win in November with his current voters. He'll need to win over people who haven't voted in a Republican primary to win in the Electoral College.

If he gravitates to the middle of the road, he risks losing the conservatives who love him because in their dreams, he's just as insane as they are.

Conservatives who promise a landslide win base the forecast on polls showing voters are in a bad mood. In reality, Trump and Cruz don't appeal to every American who's dissatisfied with current affairs. That would include people like me, who are totally fed up with the conservative movement, the tea party, and Republicans in general.

Trump and Cruz appeal to a particular segment of the Disgruntled American Voter population (mostly people who blame everything on Obama), and they've fought over those voters for months. Millions of other voters see Trump and Cruz as the problem, not the solution.

Have we finally seen the last of Cruz? Probably not. Tomorrow, Eduardo will have two items on his to-do list. First, pray to God that Trump is annihilated in November. Second, check on air fare to New Hampshire and Iowa. This chum bucket's entire existence is devoted to a relentless pursuit of political power. He's only interested in Senate membership as a way to keep himself on cable news shows, and he's already thinking ahead to 2020.

Crime and Punishment

Since conservative Republicans believe that abortion should be forbidden anywhere, at any time, for any reason, the only thing that's up for discussion is whether the woman who obtains an abortion should be charged with a felony, or whether women and their doctors should both be charged.

Welcome to life in Ted Cruz's America.