Flattened

Newton Gingrich has just been steamrolled by the Willard Romney juggernaut again, and if life was an old Warner Brothers cartoon, he'd be as thick as a sheet of paper by now. He says he'll be doing some reassessment of his campaign soon. Something makes it impossible for Newt to simply say the words "I quit." I suppose if he wasn't such a disgusting asshole, I could almost pity him a little.

Why is he still here ?

Why does Newter stay in the primary race ? It seems like he gets his fat ass kicked every Tuesday, and the poll results I saw from Illinois had him trailing Ron Paul, for God's sake. Some internet speculation is that he's getting a rush from having Secret Service protection, which feeds his fantasies that he's much more important than he really is. Another suggestion is that someone may be dangling carrots to keep Newt in the race based on the theory that he's sucking away voter support that would otherwise go to Insantorum. Maybe offering to pay off his campaign debt ? Anyway, in a race that's starting to bore me to tears, the spectacle of Newt behaving like the ultimate party-crashing nerd is one of a few slightly amusing aspects.

The Struggle Continues

Tonight the results of the Florida GOP primary will be announced, and Gingrene has already started pledging to continue the fight with Mittens until the end of time or the party convention, whichever comes first.

Think about it a second. Newt has no steady job of any kind. He has several million bucks available in campaign contributions, and he has a fan club of nose-pickers who think he's the best thing since they started selling processed cheese in aerosol cans. Why wouldn't he continue to campaign ? I mean, it's not like he gives a fuck about anybody other than himself.

Snow Bunny and The Newt

The Wasilla Wondermom, Sarah Palin, sees a headline opportunity and goes public with her thoughts on the crucifixion of Gingrene by the Republican Party establishment. Newton sees Sarah rushing to his defense and thinks, " Hot damn ! Nookie !"

Epic dumb

Apparently, Gingrene has decided that his success in the primaries will depend upon his ability to remake himself as the anti-establishment candidate in the race. That fat motherfucker has one single claim to fame, his brief tenure as speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives. He may be many things, but anti-establishment ain't one of them. That some Republicans are apparently lining up to buy the snake oil peddler's latest secret ointment is a clear sign that stupidity in that party has reached epidemic proportions.

Assholery

Newt Getrich rides a tide of redneck asshole enthusiasm to a win in South Carolina, and in the White House, Obama starts to think he might win in November after all.

When the clown parade began, there was one Republican in the race who might've made an excellent president (Huntsman), and one who looked like he could win an electoral landslide (Romney). The rest of the bunch were the greasiest assortment of lunatics and shitasses imaginable. Two of them, Cain and Bachmann, barely got off the starting blocks, and Perrito took his tumble this week. Leaving aside Pappy, who ought to be running on the Libertarian ticket, that left Gingrich and Santorum, who looked better than they are as long as Sugar Cain, Moochele, and El Perrito were getting publicity.

Republicans are pretty consistent, though. About 94 percent of the time, they'll choose the worst of the possible alternatives. Given a choice between pretty good and excellent, they'll take pretty good. Among fair, poor and incredibly goddamned rotten, they'll usually take incredibly goddamned rotten, especially in bean patches like South Carolina. The lower the average IQ in a state, the worse the Republicans winning elections will be. Bank on it... and that's why Gingrich won today.

Another thing about Republicans is their unshakable devotion to past glory. The worthless motherfuckers love to relive twenty years ago, which is why so many of them want to build public shrines to Ronald Reagan. Well, Newtie is about as twenty years ago as you can get.

King Newt I

I've been catching up on political news and just read a report about the latest flap from Newter. As we all know, Newt considers himself the deep thinker among Republicans, the guy with big ideas and a bold vision. His latest big idea is that as president, he'll just ignore any court decisions that don't win his approval. Okay, I've tried to give the fat motherfucker the benefit of the doubt, but he's crossed the line this time. He's now disqualified as a future president, and unless the goddamned Republicans get serious with their nomination, this country is fucked.

Newtered

Is it possible that enough damage has been inflicted on Pie Daddy and Perrito to make Newter the next big thing in the race to the White House ? I hope an item I read in Salon is making accurate assumptions about the electability of this lowlife.

Added 10:58 pm: Newter may be soliciting the financial support of the tea party nation, but I think he's kidding himself. Newter has a ton of government experience -- he was fucking House speaker, for crying out loud. The tea party faithful are so anti-government they want to elect the likes of Pie Daddy, who has zero political experience, or Moochele, who occupies a seat in the House of Representatives but has never actually done anything. Perrito went after the tea party vote with everything he had, but was fighting the stigma of having spent virtually his entire adult life at the public trough as an elected official. No, the tea people think that if they can elect enough inexperienced, incompetent conservatives, the government will eventually wither and die like a neglected child.