Simplification

As I get older, I have a tendency to want to simplify my life, at least try to. One technique I've learned is to see what the right-wingers are saying about an issue: check 'em out in the print media, on radio or television, or on the internet. It's pretty easy to determine the conservative position, because all their spokespersons will be repeating it as if they're reading from the same textbook.

It takes about ten minutes at most to learn the conservative position on any issue, then I'll usually just assume the opposite point of view. After years of listening to those bastards lie, distort the truth, or just plain get things wrong, I've determined that at least nine out of ten times *, I'll be okay if I just go in the opposite direction. And it saves me the trouble of researching all the issues, analyzing the pros and cons, and struggling with abstractions and complexity. I think of it as streamlining.

It's hard to classify conservatives as funny, but I have to admit it's mildly amusing to watch them when the topic of Iraq comes up. They'll blab on and on about the fantastic success that has resulted from the surge, but watch what happens if anyone suggests that maybe now we can start planning to pull out. Oh, hell no: If we move a single platoon three degrees to the left or right, the whole country will collapse like a house of cards in a tornado. Simplification: Ignore all the smiley-face news stories about Iraq.

* About 10 percent of the time, the conservatives get things right. One example is their opposition to ethanol as a gasoline alternative, which I agree with and therefore may be the correct position.