Skid Marks Along The Guardrail

Snow Bunny and The Newt

2012-01-28T18:32:00.001-06:00

The Wasilla Wondermom, Sarah Palin, sees a headline opportunity and goes public with her thoughts on the crucifixion of Gingrene by the Republican Party establishment. Newton sees Sarah rushing to his defense and thinks, " Hot damn ! Nookie !"

Epic dumb

2012-01-26T15:16:00.002-06:00

Apparently, Gingrene has decided that his success in the primaries will depend upon his ability to remake himself as the anti-establishment candidate in the race. That fat motherfucker has one single claim to fame, his brief tenure as speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives. He may be many things, but anti-establishment ain't one of them. That some Republicans are apparently lining up to buy the snake oil peddler's latest secret ointment is a clear sign that stupidity in that party has reached epidemic proportions.

Assholery

2012-01-21T19:17:00.002-06:00

Newt Getrich rides a tide of redneck asshole enthusiasm to a win in South Carolina, and in the White House, Obama starts to think he might win in November after all.

When the clown parade began, there was one Republican in the race who might've made an excellent president (Huntsman), and one who looked like he could win an electoral landslide (Romney). The rest of the bunch were the greasiest assortment of lunatics and shitasses imaginable. Two of them, Cain and Bachmann, barely got off the starting blocks, and Perrito took his tumble this week. Leaving aside Pappy, who ought to be running on the Libertarian ticket, that left Gingrich and Santorum, who looked better than they are as long as Sugar Cain, Moochele, and El Perrito were getting publicity.

Republicans are pretty consistent, though. About 94 percent of the time, they'll choose the worst of the possible alternatives. Given a choice between pretty good and excellent, they'll take pretty good. Among fair, poor and incredibly goddamned rotten, they'll usually take incredibly goddamned rotten, especially in bean patches like South Carolina. The lower the average IQ in a state, the worse the Republicans winning elections will be. Bank on it... and that's why Gingrich won today.

Another thing about Republicans is their unshakable devotion to past glory. The worthless motherfuckers love to relive twenty years ago, which is why so many of them want to build public shrines to Ronald Reagan. Well, Newtie is about as twenty years ago as you can get.

Endorsements

2012-01-19T13:22:00.000-06:00

Perrito has dropped out of the race and endorsed Newter. In 2008, Perrito endorsed Rudy Giuliani. May be coincidence, but it's starting to look like P-Rick is partial to conservatives who repeatedly fuck around on their wives. Maybe Anita has her man on too short a leash ?

Hunting for Huntsman

2012-01-15T12:01:00.001-06:00

In a field of candidates that's quickly thinning now that actual voting is underway, there's a single Republican that I think I might be able to tolerate for four years. Huntsman barely earns a mention in most media coverage of the campaign, and I don't actually know much about him. Still, when compared with Newtered, the two Ricks, Pappy, and former contestants Moochele and Pie Daddy, Huntsman seems both rational and intelligent. If he's pandering to the usual GOP constituencies, it's subtly enough to be barely noticeable, unlike Romney.

The sad thing is that in today's Republican Party, a calm, reasonable, sensible politician like Huntsman has absolutely no chance of winning their nomination. Therefore, I was surprised to find an endorsement of his candidacy -- in South Carolina, no less.

Added 8:48 pm, same day: Well, shit. Huntsman is apparently officially out. I guess the decision to end his run was a formality. And once more, the Republican Party heads into a presidential election leaving me with no alternative except to vote for the Democrat.

Blood

2012-01-11T23:04:00.006-06:00

All along, my belief has been that Romney would be the GOP candidate most likely to beat Obama in November, assuming he could actually win the nomination. Mitts just seems like the one Republican who could attract substantial support among unaffiliated independent voters in the critical purple states that Obama won last time.

Apparently, Republicans don't see it that way. Newter and the two Ricks are working overtime and spending every dime they can lay hands on to rip Mitts apart. Obama must be loving this stuff. He'll either face off against a bloodied, dirtied Romney whose credentials will have been trashed... or even better, he'll draw Santorum or Gingrich, who are cult heroes to their kool-aid drinking followers but probably have zero appeal to independents. The GOP still believes the vast majority of American voters are straining at the bit for the opportunity to vote for the worst that conservatism has to offer.

Internet snark

2012-01-08T19:50:00.001-06:00

Shitt Romney. I saw that in a reader comment on some blog. It may be a usage that's making the rounds, but I hadn't come across it before. I wish I'd been the first one to think of it, though.

No social skills at all ?

2012-01-07T23:31:00.001-06:00

At this point, P-Rick is like the guy who was invited to a party because someone felt sorry for him. Now he's still standing around, finishing off the chips and dips after all the other guests have gone home, and the host is ready to go to bed. It's a fucking embarrassment.

Secrets

2012-01-04T15:44:00.001-06:00

Pat Robertson knows who the next president will be, but he's keeping it to himself. When God told him, He made it clear it was to be a secret. Of course, Pat may have nodded off in front of his TV set, then woke up, saw a panel discussion on Fox News, and thought it was a vision from God.

Predictions

2012-01-02T23:44:00.004-06:00

A few political blogs that I check regularly are publishing predictions on the outcome of the Iowa voting (caucuses) tomorrow. All of them seem to see Pappy Ron, Mittens, and The Other Rick splitting up roughly 75 percent of the votes, with Newter, Moochele, Perrito and Huntsman divvying up the remaining 25 percent. One blog predicts Perrito and Moochele might drop out of the race within a week. Wouldn't that be a blessing ? It would, which means both those assholes will probably cling to faint hopes for weeks to come. We've been naughty and shouldn't be expecting blessings these days.

My personal preference, the guy I might even consider voting for (Huntsman), hasn't got a fucking prayer of breaking into double digits. Still, if we can get this clown parade whittled down to Romney and two unelectable assholes like Pappy and The Other Rick, I have to think Willard will prevail in the end. That's only good news because all the others (excluding Huntsman, who exists only in his own imagination) are so mind-numbingly repulsive.

King Newt I

2011-12-23T23:46:00.001-06:00

I've been catching up on political news and just read a report about the latest flap from Newter. As we all know, Newt considers himself the deep thinker among Republicans, the guy with big ideas and a bold vision. His latest big idea is that as president, he'll just ignore any court decisions that don't win his approval. Okay, I've tried to give the fat motherfucker the benefit of the doubt, but he's crossed the line this time. He's now disqualified as a future president, and unless the goddamned Republicans get serious with their nomination, this country is fucked.

Double-dipping

2011-12-16T23:45:00.000-06:00

Now the news surfaces that Perrito is drawing his state retirement at 7700 bucks a month while still serving as governor at 150,000 bucks a year, and living in a mansion that costs the taxpayers another 10,000 per month. Not to mention the God-knows-how-much the taxpayers are being billed for his security while that slimy bastard tools around Iowa, New Hampshire, South Carolina and the other early primary states. I ask myself if the motherfucker is worth thirty cents a week, and the answer is not just no, but HELL NO. Every dime spent on him is money pissed down a rathole.

New Newtie

2011-12-14T10:21:00.001-06:00

Six would be better.

2011-12-06T23:39:00.001-06:00

Pie Daddy has suspended his campaign (meaning he's probably dead as the nominee). Romney and Huntsman have defects, but I can still imagine either one as president. The fuckwad posse chasing the GOP nomination is now trimmed down to Newter, Perrito, The Other Rick, and Moochele. Who am I forgetting ? Oh yeah... Pappy Ron Paul. That makes five worthless lunatics who have no fucking business thinking of themselves as Commander in Chief. Donald Trump needs to get back in the race so we'll have a half dozen. Six is a nice round number.

Will he or won't he ?

2011-12-02T19:13:00.001-06:00

The latest reports indicate that Sugar Cain will make an announcement in the next few days concerning his intention to continue as a GOP candidate. The speculation is that he'll drop out of the race, but with that dickhead, who knows ? Just remember one thing, Hermano -- if you aren't the next president, blame yourself. It's nobody's fault but your own.

Tweet Sam Brownback

2011-11-27T22:16:00.002-06:00

Sam Brownback, the governor of Kansas, is apparently a motherfucking prick, and congratulations to Forbes for sharing its thoughts on the insult to the s.o.b. by high school student Emma Sullivan. These right-wing bottom-feeders get more disgusting by the hour.

Huntsman

2011-11-23T10:50:00.002-06:00

The only Republican among the current crop of candidates that I'd vote for is Jon Huntsman. As it turns out, the same qualities that make him acceptable to me make it absolutely impossible for him to win the GOP nomination. Of course, this tells us more about the massive psychological and intellectual defects of Republican voters than about Huntsman's weaknesses.

Pimp Wimp

2011-11-18T11:58:00.004-06:00

Sugar Cain has asked for Secret Service protection, and it has been granted. The godfather of pie claims he needs protection because the media are following him around and are potentially dangerous. Right.

Added 11:34 pm: Pimp wimp's spokesman is "clarifying" the need for taxpayer-funded protection. Now that he's soaring in popularity, Hermano's receiving threats. Sorry, jerkoff, but the first story was more believable.

Superfly

2011-11-15T09:21:00.002-06:00

Pie Daddy adds the hat when he wants to achieve the total pimp look.

For God's Sake

2011-11-12T18:15:00.004-06:00

Sugar Cain now claims that God persuaded him to run for the presidency. Didn't Perrito claim that God called HIM to run ? And I seem to recall Moochele Bachmann saying she heard God telling her to join the race. Does God have a serious problem with short term memory lapses, or is it that He can't make up his mind ? Or is some motherfucker lying about why he's running ? Moochele is the only one of the three who's convincing when she says she hears voices telling her to do things.

There's always the possibility that maybe God was bored and decided to have a little fun with the election.

Newtered

2011-11-10T19:14:00.004-06:00

Is it possible that enough damage has been inflicted on Pie Daddy and Perrito to make Newter the next big thing in the race to the White House ? I hope an item I read in Salon is making accurate assumptions about the electability of this lowlife.

Added 10:58 pm: Newter may be soliciting the financial support of the tea party nation, but I think he's kidding himself. Newter has a ton of government experience -- he was fucking House speaker, for crying out loud. The tea party faithful are so anti-government they want to elect the likes of Pie Daddy, who has zero political experience, or Moochele, who occupies a seat in the House of Representatives but has never actually done anything. Perrito went after the tea party vote with everything he had, but was fighting the stigma of having spent virtually his entire adult life at the public trough as an elected official. No, the tea people think that if they can elect enough inexperienced, incompetent conservatives, the government will eventually wither and die like a neglected child.

Betrayed

2011-11-09T18:52:00.006-06:00

I was running an errand before noon today and decided to listen to a few minutes of Lardass Limbaugh's radio show for the hell of it. Democrats got some good news in yesterday's election results, and I thought Lardass might be pissing and moaning about that. When I tuned in, he was whining about a federal court decision upholding the individual mandate in the health care reform bill. One of the judges in the case, Laurence Silberman, was appointed by Reagan and is presumed by Lardass to be a Reagan clone when it comes to embodying conservative dogma. Hell, Lardass knows the guy personally. To say he feels betrayed is putting it mildly.

Sugar Cain update (Friday)

2011-11-04T14:32:00.011-05:00

According to the Washington Post, Pie Daddy's campaign is suggesting that it may sue Politico. In political lingo, horseshit like this is known as The Big Bluff.

Pie Daddy obviously thinks none of the usual rules apply to him. He recently said that people who weren't wealthy had only themselves to blame. Here's some news for this asshole -- if he's being accused of sexual harassment, the only person to blame is Herman "Sugar" Cain.

Added 6:38 pm: While we're on the subject, an article in the Des Moines Register explains why the pizza guy is popular among Republicans. They're so fucking stupid, they think his tax program will HELP them. The shit you have to be willing to swallow hook, line and sinker to be a Republican in good standing these days is unbelievable.

Envy

2011-10-30T23:45:00.003-05:00

One of the blogs I link to is called Brilliant at Breakfast, which is where I found something that made me say "Gee, I wish I'd thought that one up."

Ricky Retardo, the piece of hot dog stuck in America's esophagus. Priceless. As for the speech in New Hampshire shown in the video clip... let's just say that Jimbo makes Barack Obama look like the epitome of dignified statesmanship.

By the way, Perrito is backing off his recent plan avoid debate appearances. Apparently the ridicule got to him. If he believed there were legitimate reasons to cut back on his debate participation, he should be man enough to stand by his original decision. Fucking candyass.

Tough Breaks, Part 24

2011-10-27T23:55:00.004-05:00

Michele Bachmann has been fading like a pair of cheap denim jeans, and now one of the tea party groups is calling for her withdrawal from the race for the nomination. Those fucking ingrates. If you ask me, Michele is one of the people who put the tea party movement on America's radar screen, and now they're screwing her around.

The bottom line is they could've saved their breath. MB has been in a nosedive for weeks, and now even the pie guy is more popular than she is. It's just a matter of time until she's officially gone, not that anyone will notice -- or care.

Just STFU (Wednesday edition)

2011-10-26T12:07:00.007-05:00

From Pensito Review, on the Pie Guy's Reagan-esque qualities:

Rick Baker, former mayor of St. Petersburg, offering random Republican catnip to a reporter to explain why he’s backing Herman Cain for president. Which Reagan qualities might those be? “He’s a straight talker and he wants to be bold for the future.” Oh yeah, those.

Bad Lip Reading (Barry O edition)

2011-10-23T14:19:00.002-05:00

Just keep running your mouth, Herman.

2011-10-21T23:10:00.002-05:00

The godfather of pizza decided to start his political career in the top job instead of, say, running for city councilman first. So we're treated to the spectacle of another Republican with absolutely no qualifications for public office at any level embarrassing himself in public, day after day. Now he's declared his views on abortion and he's so incoherent, he makes Palin look like Shakespeare.

Clusterfuck

2011-10-18T23:34:00.002-05:00

Absolutely incredible.

Poor Aggie ?

2011-10-15T12:53:00.003-05:00

El Perrito and his old lady are whining about the rough treatment he's been getting. God personally called Rick to run for president, and now everybody's being mean to him because of his Christianity. Yeah, if there's one thing Republicans are adamantly against, it's evangelical Christianity. What a pair of bozos. Brutalized ?

Protests

2011-10-13T23:14:00.002-05:00

I don't do organized protests. In the 1960s, I didn't participate in civil rights demonstrations because I was a teenaged racist, and I skipped the anti-war protests because I was in training to be an army officer. In the 1970s, I was trying to get my career off the ground, and in the 1980s and 1990s, my career was running me into the ground and I didn't have enough energy to follow the news carefully, much less organize a protest movement or join one.

Now I'm a retired civil servant. Compared to everything that preceded retirement, my life these days is pretty uncomplicated. Someone wise once said that life does not begin at the moment of conception or the moment of birth -- it begins when your kids move out and the dog dies. So far, that's been true in my own experience. I have a variety of hobbies that keep my mind occupied, including writing five separate blogs, and I don't need to join a protest to avoid boredom. For most of the past twenty years, my plan has been to concentrate on things I can control and waste as little time and energy as possible on things I can't control.

Since Obama was elected, two protest movements have popped up. The tea party appeals to geezers who don't have enough hobbies to keep their minds occupied, and hasn't accomplished anything other than sending more assholes to congress to make a bad situation even worse. The newest protest is called Occupy Wall Street, and I've only recently started paying attention to what they're up to. I don't do protests but if I did, the odds are good that I'd join Occupy Wall Street instead of the tea people.

Congressman Joe ?

2011-10-10T20:09:00.003-05:00

In today's sign that the apocalypse may be just around the corner, former non-entity Joe the Plumber of 2008 presidential campaign fame plans to run for a seat in the U.S. House of Representatives. Flying ace John McCain carries a burden of shame for needlessly introducing Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber to a national audience, enabling both to convince themselves that America needs their leadership.

Whose values ?

2011-10-08T22:32:00.007-05:00

Political Wire reports that Ron Paul won the Values Voters Summit straw poll, followed by the pizza guy and the other Rick. Those three hauled in about 76 percent of the votes, with Mittenful and Perrito combining to scrape together less than 15 percent. This tells me that so-called values voters just get a kick out of dicking around. Ron Paul, Herman Cain and Rick Santorum are never going to be presidents, and there are good reasons why they won't be. But try explaining that to worthless assholes who think the sole purpose of government should be to impose their personal religious beliefs on the rest of America. Apparently the tea party movement is wasting away, and now the evangelunicals are its dominant voices.

Added 11:12 pm, same day: Okay, maybe Ron Paul marched to his straw poll win using the sort of Texas political tactics that worked for Lyndon B. Johnson way back when.

She's out of it

2011-10-05T22:26:00.001-05:00

Palin has apparently announced that she's officially not running for president in 2012. In a perfect world, the media would yawn and scurry away to find the Next Big Thing in the wonderland of Republican politics. This isn't a perfect world, and Palin knows exactly how to keep at least some of the national spotlight on herself regardless of anything else happening at the time. God knows, it's not beyond the realm of possibility that El Perrito will choose her as his running mate, although Sarah has made it clear that her role in the nation's future will involve more important work than serving as president.

Bizarre Thoughts

2011-09-23T23:01:00.003-05:00

At the Republican debate yesterday, each participant was asked which of the other candidates onstage he (or she) would select as a potential running mate, and why. Rick Perry's response is quoted below:

“I don’t know how you would do this, but if you could take Herman Cain and mate him up with Newt Gingrich, I think you would have a couple of really interesting guys to work with.”

I've read gossip about Jimmy Dick's lovelife, so for some reason it isn't surprising that the first idea that came to his mind involved an older black guy mating with an older white guy, and that those guys, after mating, would be interesting to work with.

STFU for September 21st

2011-09-21T13:00:00.006-05:00

Bill O'Reilly says: I have more power than anybody other than the president, in the sense that I can get things changed quickly. I don't have to go through the legislative process -- I don't have to do any of that. I can just bring it to the people and say, 'Look, this has gotta be dealt with.'

Another motherfucker who's too full of himself. Load him into the boxcar and ship him off to the detention center.

Name Games

2011-09-19T22:59:00.001-05:00

Tonight on The Last Word, Lawrence O'Donnell asked why neither of the top two Republican candidates are using their real first names. I knew that Mitt's real name is Willard, but I didn't know that El Perrito's real name is James Richard Perry. It's appropriate that a good ole Texas farmboy named James Richard should be affectionately known as Jimmy Dick... so around here, Jimmy Dick it shall be.

Debatable

2011-09-10T22:56:00.005-05:00

Please tell me this shit is not happening.

Dream on, baby

2011-09-08T12:59:00.002-05:00

Bachmann promises gasoline at two dollars per gallon during her presidency. I hate to break the news to this bimbo, but America isn't likely to see cheap gasoline again, and is even less likely to elect Bachmann in 2012. Two dollar gas and Michele's journey to the White House ? Those ships have sailed.

God's message system

2011-08-29T13:39:00.003-05:00

According to the foaming-at-the-mouth religious nuts among us, every time something bad happens it's God telling us he's angry about something we're doing. To Fred Phelps and the Westboro (Kansas) Baptist Church, God is punishing America for tolerating homosexuals by killing soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan. Now, the poster girl for the evangelunical tea people is letting us know that God uses the weather to tell us He wants the Republican budget cuts adopted PDQ.

This summer, living in Texas has been like living in Hell. If this is God sending another message, I'd prefer a simple e-mail instead.

Nicknames

2011-08-28T20:45:00.001-05:00

Jennifer Lopez is referred to as J-Lo. Aggie running back Christine Michael is referred to C-Mike. So when El Perrito becomes President Perry in January 2013, it is only natural that he be referred to as P-Rick.

Dorkitude

2011-08-25T23:31:00.002-05:00

Rep. Eric Cantor is the latest in a long line of worthless turds who rose to the top of the Republican dung heap. His spokesman tells us that Eric the Dork will expect any disaster relief spending required as a result of the latest hurricane to be offset by other federal budget cuts. Tom DeLay was a fucking waste of oxygen, and Cantor is cut from the same pattern.

Pizza Time

2011-08-17T19:03:00.003-05:00

Herman Cain, former pizza tycoon who decided to begin his political career at the top rather than working his way up from the mail room, thinks impeaching Obama would be a good idea according to Politico.

Herman and I have one thing in common. We are equally close to becoming President of the United States. Herman clearly understands marketing though, and he understands there's a demand in the GOP for the one product he has to sell.

Is the suspense unbearable for you ? Same here.

2011-08-08T15:18:00.010-05:00

Talking Points Memo reports that El Perrito will use a speaking engagement in South Carolina to announce his... wait, not actually ANNOUNCE but make clear he's entering the GOP primary race.

If you need proof that America's in the shithouse, the thought of El Perrito as the next president should be sufficient. The goddamned Republicans have a candidate in Huntsman that I could probably tolerate off and on for four years, maybe longer. That motherfucker hasn't got a prayer and may even have dropped out for all I know. Or Mittenful, who should have things sewn up by now considering he's competing with dipshits and assholes, but can't close the deal -- and is on the brink of seeing his political career flame out once and for all. Mittenful would've been formidable as a conservative Democrat, but there's no fucking room in the universe for a moderate Mormon Republican.

I wasn't crazy about Obama in 2008, and in one of the lobes of my brain I nursed hopes he'd lose because the next president was sure to sink in the cesspool GWBush, Cheney and Rove were leaving behind. I was gearing up for four years of President McCain when he brought Palin on board. Shit... fucked by a Republican again.

I expect El Perrito and Bachmann will fight it out for evangelunical and tea party primary votes, while Mittenful runs around on the sidelines making an asshole out of himself to attract attention and stay above water a little longer. Herman the pizza guy, Pawlenty and the other non-entities will slide back into obscurity, wondering why they bothered in the first place. Meanwhile, I'll rationalize another vote for Obama because the alternative will be too goddamned nauseating to think about.

Breaking Bachmann News

2011-07-29T16:12:00.002-05:00

Add Michele Bachmann's name to the list of House Republicans who claim they won't vote for any increase in the debt ceiling any time, any place, anyhow. These are the kinds of claims you can make when (a) you have a misguided obsession about becoming President, and (b) the only people who will vote for you are as crazy as shithouse rats, and (c) you know that regardless of how YOU vote on the bill, the sane people will eventually work out a settlement and you will NEVER have to suffer the consequences of your ridiculous bullshit.

Lockstep or lockout ?

2011-07-20T00:00:00.003-05:00

Is it possible ? El Perrito may not be sufficiently conservative to placate the tea party contingent in the GOP ? Every day, fresh evidence surfaces that before all is said and done, the tea people may be the force that ultimately cripples the Republican Party by eliminating its single greatest strength: the ability to march in lockstop like a regiment of German soldiers. The Democrats can never get organized, so significant disarray among conservatives might level the playing field.

Getting Right with God

2011-07-14T23:46:00.003-05:00

An article from The Texas Observer about The Rickster and those who love Him.

Added 11:11 pm, Friday 15 July:

Maybe not everyone is really going all damp and dewy-eyed over El Rick after all. If the Tea-dious Party turns on him, we can call Willie to sing TURN OUT THE LIGHTS, THE PARTY'S OVER.

Money Matters

2011-07-10T15:01:00.003-05:00

If Obama continues to push a deficit reduction plan that involves the elimination of special interest tax breaks in addition to trillions in spending cuts, and if congressional Dems stand firm behind him, it looks like the Republicans will walk away without approving an increase in the debt ceiling.

There seems to be mixed opinion on what happens then. Conservatives mostly agree that it's no big fuckin' deal. Everyone else seems to believe the economic consequences will be catastrophic. Since I wasn't an economics major, I don't know which side is right.

One thing I do know is that if the conservatives are wrong and everything goes to hell in a handbasket this fall, it's critically important that American voters realize who caused the holocaust by refusing to compromise. The only upside to an economic disaster would be seeing the GOP locked into minority status for the duration of my lifetime. That would be one less thing for me to fret about.

The Rickster

2011-07-01T18:46:00.003-05:00

The headline on this article asks "Will Rick Perry run for president ?" That may the dumbest goddamned question anyone has asked this week. That hole is already running for president. I was working in state government from 1995 to 1998 when George W. Bush was the governor, and I got a closeup look at the agenda items he was pushing and how he was pushing them. I told anyone who would listen, "That motherfucker's running for president."

At the time, the fawning media whores were already looking ahead to the 2000 election, and W's name would pop up from time to time as a possible attractive candidate for the GOP nomination -- exactly the way the Rickster is being mentioned now. The old cliche is that history repeats itself, and it's repeating itself even now, as I write this.

Something may happen over the next 6-8 months that causes dumbfuck to quietly drop out of the race, but make no mistake -- right now, he's in it.

Wide Loads

2011-06-28T23:31:00.011-05:00

As strange as it seems, there are many Republicans who want THIS guy to run for their party's nomination next year. Chris Christie is his name, New Jersey politics is his game. I saw him on TV once, and my only lasting impression of him was, "Hmmm. So this is what Sylvester Stallone would look like if he weighed 300 pounds."

Think Lardass Rocky and you're on the right track.

Idiot at work

2011-06-18T14:45:00.003-05:00

The state legislature, as the old expression goes, is more worthless than tits on a boar hog. They waste time on meaningless activities like voter ID laws and other things that create more problems than they solve. However, during the recent session, the lege passed a bill that would make it illegal to send or receive text messages while driving. Finally, something I could support -- or so I thought.

You'd think people in Texas would be able to understand that texting while driving is foolish at best, dangerous at worst. But people in Texas also vote for Republicans so just how smart can they be ? At any rate, giving tickets to people who text while driving sounds like an excellent revenue source at a time when it's needed.

According to the morning paper, Perry vetoed the texting bill. That figures. What a loser. That motherfucker is worth nowhere near the 10,000 skins per month we're spending on his rent payment.

Idiots

2011-06-14T23:04:00.002-05:00

Not all the fucking idiots live in Texas, Mississippi, Alabama, Utah and Idaho. There are some in New York as well. One of them has gone as far as suggesting that Rick Perry is what the country needs right now. People who believe that kind of fucking nonsense probably believe you can cure a headache by stabbing yourself in the eye with a screwdriver. America needs a long list of things, starting (for the moment) with cheaper gasoline. Rick Perry as president would be at the top of the list of things America DOESN'T need now and never will.

To repeat myself for the umpteenth time, I love this country. I just hate fifty percent of the people who live here.

Quixotic

2011-06-08T11:01:00.007-05:00

Believe it or not, there are reports that some Republicans are urging Rick Perry to join their clown parade for the 2012 nomination. The last Texas governor who was elected to the presidency was an unmitigated disaster, and Perry makes W look like a Renaissance man. Anyone who thinks the roster of potential GOP candidates couldn't be any more repulsive hasn't yet been introduced to Rick Perry.

Like Don Quixote, Perry wanders around searching for windmills to conquer. Sanctuary cities and voting fraud aren't problems, but elevating those issues to the level of legislative priorities is the kind of symbolic gesture that impresses rubes who vote Republican. He'll say and do anything to stay on the public payroll, I guess.

History according to the snow monkey

2011-06-05T15:51:00.006-05:00

SAY WHAT?

"He who warned, uh, the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms uh by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed..."

Sarah Palin's take in Boston on the famous midnight ride of Paul Revere (lifted from www.doonesbury.com)

Edumacation ?

2011-05-31T16:36:00.002-05:00

According to the article in USA Today, the ex-governor of Alaska is claiming the purpose of her current bus tour is to educate Americans. There are many reasons why education in this country is in serious trouble, but if Sarah Palin is assuming responsibility for education, the problems are even more serious than I thought they were.

Still here

2011-05-22T23:21:00.001-05:00

It's May 22nd, nearly May 23rd, and I'm still here. The Rapture and related life-changing events didn't happen. I'm not surprised, but those fucking losers who gave away all their possessions and emptied out their bank accounts are into some DEEP rationalization tonight. Meanwhile, the old saying about the parting of fools and their money is again proven true.

Precipitation

2011-05-13T23:53:00.000-05:00

Rain today. Finally. The ground in my back yard was so parched that it had to rain a few hours before puddles began to form.

Don't get mad...

2011-05-08T13:05:00.000-05:00

Texas Republicans in the legislature keep making up new rules as they go along, as discussed in a Houston Chronicle editorial. The best part is the last sentence: At some point, the demographic shifts that are already beginning will probably result in a Democratic majority, and payback is gonna be hell. And when the retaliation starts, Republicans will be screaming about the unfairness of it all. We've seen it happen many times already, and it isn't a pretty sight.

A dumb mistake

2011-05-02T18:30:00.001-05:00

A birther misread the headlines. He thought they said "Obama Dead" and bought three rounds of drinks before he realized he'd screwed up.

Added 10:36 pm, same day:

On second thought, maybe that fucking birther was watching a cable news channel.

Eyes of beholders, etc.

2011-04-26T18:50:00.001-05:00

Some Texans consider evangelical Christians an oppressed minority, and others consider them an oppressive majority. I guess your viewpoint in this matter depends on where you sit, particularly if where you sit is in a pew in a Southern Baptist church.

Latest GOP Campaign News

2011-04-22T11:13:00.004-05:00

Hot damn, now we have us a horse race. The latest Gallup poll shows Haircut and Hucklebuck running neck and neck for the Republican presidential nomination next year. Mormon Mitt trails narrowly. The Haircut leads among Repubs who think of themselves as moderate or liberal, although I don't know where you go to find liberal Republicans these days. Rhode Island and Connecticut, maybe ? The Haircut was once a Democrat, is now a Republican, and will always be an opportunist. In those respects, he and the Texas hair god, Ricky Perry, are exactly alike. They'd make a real dream team if Trump could sell Ricardo on accepting second place.

Palin is back in the pack, running fourth with ten percent behind Mormon Mitt at thirteen. Tea Party Flavor-of-the-Month Michele Bachmann is way, way back in seventh place, behind Ron Paul and Newter if you can believe that. Oh well, there's plenty of time for a comeback.

Keeping things in perspective

2011-04-19T13:47:00.003-05:00

Ask any conservative and he'll tell you the most important politician in America today is Rep. Paul Ryan of Wisconsin, the mastermind behind the GOP budget plan that's supposed to solve the nation's fiscal problems. One newspaper pundit even proposed a series of national debates between Obama and Ryan, just the two of them going mano a mano.

Paul Ryan represents Wisconsin's House District 1, which is about as solidly red as any geographic area can be. In November 2010, with 99 percent of the precincts reporting, Ryan had 179,702 of 263,362 total votes, or roughly 68 percent. That's a substantial victory, but to keep things in perspective, the voting population in Ryan's district is smaller than the current population of Tulsa, Oklahoma (392,000).

In the 2008 presidential election, there were 2,928,655 votes cast in Wisconsin, and Obama got 1,670,474 of them (56.3 percent). To put it another way, Ryan's winning vote total in 2010 was about 6.1 percent of the total state vote two years earlier.

As a rule of thumb, members of the House of Representatives don't need to win many votes to stay in office, certainly nowhere near as many as a U.S. Senator, a state governor, and definitely not the president. District boundaries are drawn to make the re-election of incumbents as foolproof as possible. As much as anything, this probably explains why the U.S. House of Representatives is the closest thing to an insane asylum as we have in the federal government. A relatively small number of yahoos, assholes, dipsticks and lunatics can put House members in office, and the deck is stacked to keep them there.

Florida (again)

2011-04-12T12:42:00.001-05:00

USA Today reports a poll in Florida showing Mitt Romney would beat Obama in that state if the election were held today. The election isn't being held today and even if it was, I wouldn't count on Mormon Mitt being the GOP nominee. As long as the evangelunicals think Mormons are an evil Satanic cult, Mitt has a tough row to hoe. Then there's Hucklebuck, who also leads Obama, but is hedging about getting into the fray and might not be able to survive a slugfest with Bachmann. News stories like this one are a clue that newspapers may have too much blank space to fill.

House Broken

2011-04-08T16:37:00.004-05:00

As one result of last year's elections, there are about 90 new Republicans in the House of Representatives who have no business being there. Apparently they're all cut from the same pattern as Michele Bachmann; they have an inflated view of their own importance and have decided the federal government should orbit around them. At the moment they're playing games with budget bills -- threatening, for example, to shut off paychecks to members of the military if they don't get their way.

He probably won't do it, but Obama needs to go ahead and bust these motherfuckers right now. The longer he puts it off, the more obnoxious they're gonna get. They'll keep shitting on the floor until Obama gets 'em housebroken.

Budget Cuts Hit Home

2011-04-04T09:42:00.000-05:00

Apparently the Houston Chronicle has permanently discontinued its daily online crossword puzzle. I worked it nearly every day, occasionally at 11:00 pm on days when I needed to complete the puzzle before it changed at midnight. I never saw a formal announcement, so I guess eliminating the crossword was another austerity measure, similar to the hacking and slashing taking place in Austin these days.

Fortunately, USA Today and the Dallas Morning News still offer their online puzzles, so it's not like I'm being forced to go cold turkey. Still, it looks like learning to do without stuff is becoming part of the daily routine around here.

Hey buddy, educate this.

2011-03-29T23:45:00.005-05:00

I've just finished a column by conservative William McKenzie of the Dallas Morning News, and apparently this is what passes for serious analysis when right-wingers deal with education issues:

McKenzie says that since public education is the big ticket item in state budgets, the expense of educating children will need to be reduced to avoid any tax increases. McKenzie has done some checking and has decided the solution is to do away with restrictions on class size, meaning that Texas can get away with hiring fewer teachers. Hell, if class sizes were doubled, we could theoretically reduce faculties by fifty percent !

Since almost everyone agrees that smaller classes are conducive to learning, McKenzie says we need to offset the larger classes by only hiring master teachers. You know, the kind of teachers who inspire movies like "Mr. Holland's Opus" and "To Sir With Love."

To make sure only unusually gifted mentors are in charge of those larger classrooms, school districts will need to cull out the average ones by changing the way teachers are evaluated and compensated.

I taught school for one year and if a few things had worked out differently when I was younger, I probably would have made public education my life's work, either as a classroom teacher or a guidance counselor. As it is, I married a career teacher and have a daughter who wants to be one, so the state of things in Texas schools is a topic that interests me.

The problem I have with McKenzie's recommendation is this: School teachers in Texas are already among the lowest-paid professionals. If class sizes are increased, so are the workloads of individual teachers. After all, somebody has to grade all that homework and all those tests, and do all the paperwork the bureaucracy mandates for each student. Does a hack newspaper writer like William McKenzie seriously believe that first-rate teachers, those who function at the highest level of skill mastery, are going to bear the burden of substantially-increased workloads without substantially-increased salaries to make it worthwhile ? My experience as a manager was that I was constantly required to deal with high turnover among my best employees. The best workers were always in demand and could easily move across fences into greener pastures. Average workers who were merely competent would be with me forever.

Bottom line: Anyone who says the solution to the budget crisis is to increase class size, decrease faculty size, and retain only teachers with superior ability is either a fucking idiot or a fucking liar.

Conservative Republicans oppose the whole concept of public education. They believe that like wars and most other things, education should be privatized. They love the idea of using taxpayer dollars to subsidize vouchers for private religious schools, where praying's legal and they don't have to mess with all those government regulations. If Texans really cared about preserving and improving public education, they wouldn't keep electing conservative Republicans to run things.

More from Newt Get-Rich

2011-03-25T11:38:00.001-05:00

As soon as The Newter makes his official announcement, we can start pointing at him and laughing about this bullshit. Cheating husbands everywhere can blame their lowdown ways on patriotic zeal.

Another cup, please

2011-03-22T21:06:00.002-05:00

The Texas voter ID bill, passed by the Senate, is making its way through the House. The people drinking the Kool-Aid believe this bill is a reaction to massive voting fraud in state elections. The people serving the Kool-Aid know it damned well isn't.

Trouble brewing ?

2011-03-15T13:01:00.001-05:00

Uh-oh, this can't be good. As one blogger noted, it's only been two months and the public is already getting sick of Republicans.

Weirdness ? Really ?

2011-03-09T23:03:00.004-06:00

Here's how bad things are getting on the right side of the aisle: intellectual conservatives like George Will are writing columns about the weirdness and general creepiness of the Fox News Channel faction of potential 2012 presidential nominees (Hucklebuck and Newt Getrich). Nothing on Palin in this column, but give it time.

The obvious Republican tactic is to associate Obama with Kenya and the Mau Mau uprising in the minds of voters. This sounds like a good plan if the only voters you're interested in reaching are the ones who think Newt Gingrich or Sarah Palin would make a neat president (the ones with double-digit IQs, in other words).

Secede and succeed

2011-03-07T13:24:00.007-06:00

Texans often have an unhealthy preoccupation with their state and the mythology that Texas history has produced. Many conservatives carry notions about American exceptionalism around; conservative Texans inflate the notion exponentially with lunatic fantasies about Texas exceptionalism. The most ridiculous manifestation of this lunacy is revealed in the secession movement.

I don't know how many assholes are card-carrying members of the Texas Nationalist Movement or any other organization with similar goals. My hunch is there aren't that many, but I might be wrong. What they fail to understand is that if Texas seceded from the United States, all the people who make Texas a pretty good place to live now would be gone... headed north in a massive evacuation across the border. The remaining yahoos and dipshits of the new nation of Texas would starve to death or kill each other off in a matter of weeks. End of story.

The Agenda Item

2011-03-03T15:11:00.003-06:00

In January 2009, before Obama had been in office long enough to warm the seat of his chair, Rush Limbaugh, with a degree of candor that his multi-million dollar income allows, made the statement that more cautious Republicans only whispered privately among themselves in closed rooms. He declared that he wanted Obama's presidency to fail.

Anyone who doubts Limbaugh speaks for the Republican Party has missed the stories about elected GOP officials crawling to him in supplication because they've said something that pissed him off. It's a given then -- the GOP wanted Obama to fail before his presidency had even started.

There are signals on the edges that economic recovery is in its nascent stages, and the greatest of many GOP fears is that Obama will be president during a period when the economy begins to grow, people go back to work, and voters decide to chill out for awhile. Among Republicans, fear is the great motivator.

When you understand that failure of the Obama administration is THE agenda item and that economic recovery during his first term is a potential disaster for the GOP, all the other puzzle pieces fall into place.

Newt News

2011-03-01T19:13:00.001-06:00

I'm not sure what it says about the nation in general or the Republican Party in particular, but Newt Gingrich is the first one to announce that he may be available in 2012. Newt is such a slime with such a seedy record as a politician and as a human being, I can't imagine that he would be the GOP nominee, much less elected president. The bad part is, I thought the same thing about G.W. Bush. Twice. Relying on American voters in national elections is risky business.

Looking at things positively, the best thing about Newt as nominee would be that he knocked Sarah Palin out of the spot.

Fear and loathing

2011-02-23T12:30:00.000-06:00

Most of the national news lately has been about the hysteria over public employees in Wisconsin. There are people who fear and despise government, and they bitch so loudly that it often seems like there are more of them than there actually are. As for me, the only time I feel threatened by government is when Republicans are running it.

Exceptionally

2011-02-20T11:03:00.004-06:00

Among many conservatives, the concept of American exceptionalism means the American people are somehow superior to all the people in all the other nations of the world. These are the same people who watch the Fox News Channel all night and listen to AM talk radio all day, behavior which basically wipes out any thought of cultural and intellectual superiority.

Never having crossed a border out of the United States, I have to believe that as a place to live, America is the best. Definitely better than anywhere else that I can think of offhand. I can't imagine trying to live in the Asian, African or Central American shitholes I see on TV or movie screens. To repeat what I've often said before, I love this country -- I just can't stomach half the people who live here.

There are a lot of people busting their humps every day to make America the best place to live: the men and women who keep the lights on, the clean water running, and my garbage recycled -- and the ones who write the books I read and the movies I pay to see. But this is the same country where millions of people turn to Rush Limbaugh for the straight truth and would line up to vote for Sarah Palin for president. So put an asterisk beside that "exceptional" label.

Reasons to avoid South Dakota

2011-02-15T10:37:00.002-06:00

In the strange-but-true category, we have this news tidbit. In South Dakota, consideration is being given to a state law that could potentially classify the murder of an abortion provider as justifiable homicide. In-fucking-credible. You ARE kidding me, right ?

Tea Party Mutation

2011-02-12T13:32:00.001-06:00

When you cross this:

with this:

you get this:

Anybody but that N...

2011-02-08T14:00:00.001-06:00

It's never too early for CNN polls about elections that are nearly two years in the future.

In this one, Republicans reveal their desperation by claiming they want a 2012 nominee who can beat Obama, even if he/she doesn't agree with them on issues. So much for ideological purity, which we were told was paramount in the 2010 mid-term voting. About one third of those in the CNN poll swear they'll definitely vote against Obama. This is consistent with other findings supporting my contention that 30-35 percent of Americans are hardcore conservative deadenders who should be confined to detention camps rather than allowed to mingle with decent people.

The CNN poll has Hucklebuck leading the field by an insignificant margin, followed closely by The Snowbunny and Mormon Mitt. Of those three, Romney would be my choice, especially if he can avoid the disgusting appeals to lowest-common-denominator Republicans that marked his 2008 campaign. Pandering doesn't look good on him. Down the list we find Newt Gingrich and Haley Barbour, throwbacks to the 90s who make Hucklebuck look good in comparison.

Rip-offs

2011-02-01T23:43:00.006-06:00

The winter weather kept me indoors most of the day, and I spent some of the time reading articles in the Sunday newspaper my mother-in-law sent over. I should be used to the way things are, but I can still be amazed by how much the national economy depends on consumer stupidity and willingness to be fleeced.

Exhibit I was an article discussing so-called RALs (refund anticipation loans). I've been completing my own tax returns for years, and I wasn't familiar with RALs. Apparently a lot of companies specializing in the preparation of tax returns would arrange loans enabling the filer to borrow the amount of the IRS refund due. This apparently appealed to people who couldn't wait a week or two for the government's check and were willing to pay as much as 70 percent in combined interest, fees, and service charges to get the money right away. Companies like H&R Block rake in millions every year in this scam, and the feds have been implementing policies and procedures which have had the effect of shutting down the practice. Wall Street is getting pissy since this will reduce the earnings of the tax preparation companies.

Exhibit II was an article about extended warranty coverage. Unlike RALs, I do know something about extended warranty plans since I've bought several laptop computers and a widescreen TV recently. I made the mistake of buying an extended warranty on one of my cars many years ago. It was money pissed down a rathole, and I learned my lesson. The article pointed out (and I agree) that it would be smarter to set aside the amount of cash it would cost to buy the extended warranty, and save it for emergency repairs. If the product didn't need any repairs, the consumer rather than the warranty company would have the cash.

Refund anticipation loans and extended product warranty plans have been generating millions (maybe billions) in profits for the companies that offer them, reminding us that in the American system of free enterprise there are many perfectly legal ways to separate fools from their money.

Thirds

2011-01-25T17:59:00.001-06:00

An article by AP writer Nancy Benac refers to a recent AP poll which found that one third of the respondents feel Obama has failed to deliver on his promise to bring change. Roughly 68 percent think that he's either kept his promise or that it's too soon to tell. The same poll reports that one-third think Obama's moving too fast to change things, with two-thirds thinking that the pace is not fast enough or just right. I wonder if the 1/3 who think he's moving too fast are the same 1/3 who think he's failed to deliver.

It looks like roughly 30-35 percent of Americans are never going to cut Obama any slack, regardless of what he does. As I recall, when George W. Bush bottomed out in job approval, he was still winning the hearts and minds of about 30 percent of those polled, so I accept it as a given that one out of three Americans falls into the category of people I can easily ignore.

Squealing

2011-01-13T22:59:00.012-06:00

I'm reminded of the old expression: Twist a pig's ear and listen to him squeal.

After a lunatic in Arizona shot a congresswoman and killed a bunch of people, there was some commentary to the effect that vitriol in political discourse these days may have contributed to an environment in which people who aren't wired together very tightly anyway decide it's okay to vent their political frustrations by spraying handgun fire. Over the past twenty years or so, I've listened to enough AM talk radio to know that most of the programs are designed to keep conservative voters whipped into a frenzy of rage and hatred, so I understand the point. At any rate, the pigs have had their ears twisted and now they're squealing their heads off.

Movin' On Up

2011-01-06T09:22:00.002-06:00

Back in the days when really nasty Republicans like Dick Cheney, Tom DeLay, and Karl Rove dominated the American political stage, Darrell Issa was a tiny turd in a big crapper, so far back in the line that you had to work at keeping up with the news to even know his name. Apparently, Issa's moving up in the world and will be leading the GOP charge to investigate corruption in the Obama administration. It's a strange world we live in when somebody like this guy gets to be a bigshot.

Evangelunacy in the news

2010-12-10T09:17:00.007-06:00

A lot of really sick shit gets done in the name of Christianity. As far as I know, Elizabeth Edwards was a nice lady who suffered through cancer and a lowlife cheating husband. Staging a protest at her funeral can only mean that the Westboro fuckwads are worried they haven't been getting enough publicity lately.

The Holiday Season

2010-12-01T10:05:00.002-06:00

This is the way Christmas would be around my house if things were left up to me.

Browsers and Justice DeLayed

2010-11-24T20:18:00.012-06:00

I'm nervous about tomorrow's ballgame and trying to get through the hassle of Thanksgiving. Today I ran into a problem with Internet Explorer, and after jacking around with it for an hour, finally downloaded two alternative web browsers: Mozilla Firefox and Google Chrome. Both seem to work much more effectively than IE, making me wonder why I didn't try them sooner.

While I was playing with Firefox, I came across some good news. Tom DeLay: Guilty, guilty, guilty. Now that's worth giving a little thanks.

Gridlock and load

2010-11-19T13:31:00.001-06:00

Clarence Page has written a column that brightens my day. According to Mr. Page, recent polls confirm what most people who have been paying attention already knew, that most conservatives prefer to adhere to 'principles' rather than compromise. The great irony of the election earlier this month was that Republican voters tried to put people with minimal government experience and strong anti-government ideology in charge of running the government. Taken at face value, that looks like a typical GOP formula.

Based on much of the online commentary by website readers, conservatives of the tea-dium party persuasion are still gloating and making triumphalist remarks. In a few weeks though, we'll be getting down to the nut-cutting and the newly elected congress-ers will take their first baby steps toward becoming 'career politicians.' Successful politicians are almost always the ones who know when and how to compromise and cut deals. It's been that way forever, and I expect it will continue to be that way in 2011-2012.

If uncompromising conservatives force governmental gridlock, so what ? Maybe that's what America needs right now. Gridlock in Congress is definitely not an item on my current list of things to be worried about.

I've always believed that when most people complain about wasteful 'pork barrel' spending, they're referring to spending by the government that doesn't benefit them personally in some way. It will be interesting to see how new congress-ers who don't bring the bacon back to their home districts fare in future elections. Eventually, spending cuts will start to affect programs that voters like or depend upon -- there isn't enough money being spent on programs NOBODY likes to make much difference if every dime was cancelled.

So I'm optimistic this afternoon. One way or another, the conservatives in the House and Senate will shape the path for the next two years. If they get what they want and it works, the economy recovers and everyone goes to bed happy. If they get what they want and it doesn't work, we're stuck with the status quo (or worse) and we don't have to hear about the tea-dium party anymore. For me, that's a win-win proposition.

Deja Voodoo

2010-11-08T19:33:00.006-06:00

My bro in Houston and I recently exchanged emails on the topic of internet commentary as a factor contributing to the collapse of American civilization. This topic interests me, since I search reader comments at newspaper websites looking for stuff to write about here.

I'm seeing increased discussion among conservatives of the tea-dium party variety indicating a preference for their new congressional majority to investigate the hell outta the Obama administration, with hopefully enough success to put that N behind bars.

The 2010 midterm elections are looking more and more like the 1994 midterms, right down to an updated version of the Contract on America. Now they're calling it a Pledge instead of a Contract, but it amounts to the same thing -- promises that will be broken as necessary, much like the '94 GOP class abandoned their affection for term limits as soon as they had terms themselves.

In 1994, Newt Gingrich led the revolution, and the GOP majority in the House was determined to impeach and remove a president they believed was illegitimately in office. A lot of time and money was spent on investigations, special prosecutors, and the like. Less effort went into actually doing much governing. What the 1994 Republicans ultimately accomplished was a second term for Bill Clinton and an early return to private life for Newt Gingrich.

As discussed in other blog posts, I have a vested interest in seeing Republicans follow through on their pledge to restore a vital economy and reduce unemployment to a normal (if not insignificant) level; I really want them to succeed in attaining their declared goals. So pardon my skepticism, but I have doubts much good will come from any of this. I need the GOP to buckle down and work out solutions to problems that will benefit all Americans, but somehow things like that don't seem to be part of their nature.

Tea-dious Tsunami ?

2010-11-02T23:08:00.004-05:00

Can you feel the excitement ? I know I can. The Republicans, boosted by voters from the tea-dium party movement, have gained more than enough seats to control the House in the next session, and the Senate is still within reach. The guys who have spent roughly two years milling around on the sidelines, pausing just long enough to shout profanity or throw rotten garbage onto the field, have been given the car keys again. This time they promise not to drive full speed into the ditch, and American voters, always suckers for a good TV ad, fell for it again.

The tea-dious partiers, aka the clan with the plan, want some tax cuts, lots of deregulation, some more tax cuts, and a huge reduction in the federal deficit, maybe a trillion dollars or so. Oh, and did I mention some tax cuts ? Since tax INCREASES are out, the spending cuts will have to be monsters to get the budget balanced. Eventually, programs that conservatives like will get the axe, then the proverbial shit will be in the proverbial fan.

Roughly half of American voters are semi-literate primates, and their idea of a joke this year is to elect people who have no government experience and hate the government to run the government. Now that's a swell concept.

As retirees, mrs. bee and I could really benefit from cost-of-living increases in our pensions, but those are totally out of the question until the economy is booming again and system trust fund coffers are flush with ready cash. I therefore have a vested interest in seeing a robust economy with full employment, and that's exactly what the Republicans have promised. I've lived through a lot of years of Republican government and most of them sucked, but maybe they'll get it right this time. Or maybe they were able to con a lot of gullible voters who have a 30-second attention span.

Zombieland

2010-10-28T22:38:00.003-05:00

The Republicans who will be responsible for running the House and Senate next year are already planning implementation of their 'agenda.' The last time I saw creatures like these three, Woody Harrelson was blowing them up onscreen in the best zombie flick ever made. Teapeople who are gullible enough to believe these flesh-eaters have any long-term solutions deserve to live in Zombieland.

Coaches and related deficiencies

2010-10-18T19:29:00.001-05:00

Yesterday afternoon, Dallas played at the Minnesota Vikings in the late afternoon NFL game, and I watched some of it. The Cowboys reminded me of the Aggies, killing themselves with penalties and turnovers. The experts who comment on pro football are always talking about the depth of raw talent on the Dallas roster, just like a lot of Aggies are always talking about the raw talent at TAMU. Assuming there are significant numbers of skilled players on both teams, I have to wonder why both play so fucking poorly so consistently. The Cowboys are 1-4; the Aggies are 3-3 but haven't beaten any of the decent teams they've played, and could've lost to one of the weak ones.

One possibility is that Tony Romo is as overrated in his league as Jerrod Johnson is in the Big 12. Before the season, Johnson was being hyped as the best QB in the conference, the most dangerous offensive player, etc. So far he's been dangerous, all right. To the Aggies.

Another possibility is that both programs are suffering from leadership problems. Dallas will never amount to shit as long as Jerry Jones is the owner, and Bill Byrne hasn't accomplished much with his coaching hires in the TAMU football program. Wade Phillips and Mike Sherman seem to be examples of the Peter Principle. Both were outstanding assistant coaches who've been promoted to their level of incompetence. In Sherman's case, the result is surprising because he was reasonably successful as head coach of the Packers. Different level of competition and different rules, though, which seems to confirm the idea that good college coaches don't necessarily do well at the pro level and vice versa.

So -- I stay frustrated. I have free time and a great HD television set, and I can't find a football team to watch. The Patriots are my favorite pro team, but they don't get on TV around here with the same frequency as the Texans and Cowboys. I adopted USC as my favorite college team just as the NCAA hammer was coming down on them, then switched to the Alabama Crimson Tide one season too late. The solution to my predicament would be for both the Aggies and Cowboys to stop beating themselves with penalties, turnovers, kicking game errors, and so forth, but that isn't likely to occur until they can locate coaches who know what the fuck they're doing.

Deja Vu

2010-09-23T12:17:00.001-05:00

I've been waiting for this, or something close to it. Those ignorant motherfuckers haven't had an original idea in fifty years, and now they've pulled out the old 'contract on america' routine. Again. And since at least fifty percent of the people allowed to vote in American elections are dumber than dirt, it'll work. Again.

Crazies

2010-09-09T10:21:00.003-05:00

In these hard economic times, there's a shortage of jobs and a lot of other things. But one thing that never seems to be in short supply in the United States is our inventory of religious fanatics. Terry Jones, the Florida crazy who is the shepherd of a flock of about fifty, has decided to wage his own personal war against Islam. I think of stuff like this as the downside of a free society.

Beckarama

2010-08-28T17:49:00.001-05:00

Photograph taken at the Glenn Beck festivities, and cribbed from Wonkette. These modern-day revolutionaries should strike terror in the hearts of liberals across the land. That 300-pounder in the red shorts, holding the sign, kinda sums up everything that amuses me about the Tea Party and associated cultural phenomena. You can tell that dude has SUFFERED under the Obama reign of tyranny and oppression.

Poll News

2010-08-20T17:51:00.003-05:00

I was looking through the local newspaper and came across an article that referred to a recent poll which found that 24 percent of Americans think Obama is Muslim. This is consistent with my personal polls which usually find that one out of four Americans is an ignorant fuck.

The article says that 47 percent think Obama's a Christian, and 24 percent don't know. To those, you can add one guy in Texas who doesn't give a shit one way or the other.

More people have decided Obama's a Muslim since the NYC mosque furor became an news item. A lot of Republicans switched their vote from Christian to Muslim. Imagine that.

I suppose that as soon as the GOP regains control of the House, some teabagger will introduce a motion to impeach Obama because he lied about his religious preference. Why not ? They'll need something to pass the time.

Chances Are

2010-08-09T00:17:00.001-05:00

One possibility that I've been considering is this: If Mexicans entering the United States legally or otherwise could be relied upon to vote for Republicans at least 90 percent of the time, most of the racket would die down pretty quickly.

Good Old Days

2010-07-24T11:18:00.003-05:00

The best line in Paul Krugman's column today is the statement that the only thing about George W. Bush that Republicans didn't love was his approval rating. It's been comical to watch Republican voters who now call themselves the Tea Party trying to put some distance between themselves and the eight years of W's administration. For a while, I wondered how W had gotten all those votes in 2004, since so many conservatives were claiming they hadn't supported him.

Now the GOP has decided that, considering the limited attention span of most Americans, they can pin the blame for everything that's wrong on Obama and get away with it. They're right, and the theme for 2013 will be "Happy days are here again."

Losing out

2010-07-12T18:34:00.002-05:00

Another column by E. J. Dionne forecasting big losses for the Democrats in the fall elections. I'm ready to concede control of Congress to the Republicans beginning in 2011, and the only real question is how long it'll take for impeachment proceedings to get underway. In a perfect world, the GOP would assume the majority, decide to do something constructive for a change, and shut the fuck up. It ain't a perfect world, and I'm not counting on it.

Murder

2010-06-30T23:31:00.002-05:00

I really enjoyed the retirement reception yesterday, and am glad I wasn't forced to miss it because of jury duty. Still, my interest in the trial was piqued during the four hours of voir dire proceedings on Monday. This morning I checked the local newspaper website to see if there was any news from the first day of the trail on Tuesday, and discovered that a reporter has been assigned to blog live from the courtroom. It isn't quite the same as the view from the jury box, but it'll do... at least until I get bored.

Jury Duty: Update

2010-06-28T23:12:00.006-05:00

I left early this morning to ensure that I'd locate a decent parking spot since there's so much construction underway at the courthouse. My last trip into the place was at least a dozen years ago, and things have changed. The entry was a security checkpoint where I had to dump my keys, cellphone and belt in a bin and pass through a scanner. Hassle. Since I arrived at 8:00 am, I had to sit around twiddling my thumbs for an hour. Fortunately, I thought to wear my pedometer, so I passed the time pacing around the second floor of the courthouse, and did the same during every break in the action. All told, I accumulated enough steps today to equal about 2.68 miles.

By 9:00 am, roughly ninety potential jurors had shown up. We were called in and seated based on a predetermined numerical sequence. The district clerk started the show with a presentation on the role of his office in the process. For coming in as ordered, each potential juror who specified they wanted to receive the mandated jury pay was given a business envelope containing a Lincoln and a big George. I'm not sure how I'll spend my six dollars, but I'll waste it on something. Pay for all subsequent days is forty dollars per day.

At about 10:30, the voir dire process began with the prosecutor going first. The judge explained that the defendant in the case was charged with first degree murder, and that the trial was expected to last ten days to two weeks. I did the math and began to wonder if 400 bucks was worth two weeks of my life and passing through that goddamned security checkpoint every fucking day. On the other hand, I'd never been on the jury in a murder case. I began to be ambivalent about the possibility of being chosen.

Lunch break from 12:10 to 1:30 pm. I called Mrs. bee on the cellphone and asked her to pick me up, so I wouldn't lose my good parking space. I knew that gadget would come in handy someday. Mobile phones are pervasive in modern society -- I estimated that at least eight out of every ten people in this jury pool were carrying one, another big difference from jury duty in the 1990s.

1:30 to 3:30, more voir dire. This time the defense attorney runs the show. A lot of questions intended to unearth potential prejudicial thinking that might land his client in the slammer for up to 99 years. All in all, voir dire is a good refresher course in jurisprudence for the layman.

At 3:30, we're sent out into the corridors again while the two sides undertake the strike process, each team striking as many as ten prospective jurors to improve their chances of getting the verdict they want. I spend the time, roughly an hour, pacing and logging mileage. At 4:30 we're called back in. I'm on pins and needles. On the one hand, I want to be dismissed, but somewhere in my mind, there's a flicker of curiosity about what a two week murder trial might be like. One by one, the judge calls the twelve chosen jurors to their seats in the jury box, and my name is not among them. Finally, I breath a sigh of relief and decide this is probably for the best. As we head for the parking lot, a retired highway patrolman who I visited with briefly during that last long break asks me how I'm gonna spend my six dollars. I reply that I plan to piss it away that very afternoon to celebrate not having to come back to the courthouse tomorrow morning.

Jury Duty

2010-06-26T20:28:00.008-05:00

Back in the 1990s, before I retired, I was often summoned to jury duty. I can't remember how many times I was called in, but several times I was selected to actually sit on the panel, and twice I was designated as the jury foreman, including my first trial, a burglary case. I was also the jury foreman in the trial of a dude charged with attempted murder. Those were the two I remember best, and I learned a lot about how the American legal system operates. I also served a six-month term on the grand jury, which was even more educational.

At the time, I enjoyed jury service. It was not only instructive, but it was nice to skip work for two or three days. Not exactly a paid vacation, but similar. I sat on juries so often, my boss started kidding me about it. I always showed up hoping to be selected, and did everything I could think of to prevent dismissal.

After I retired I stopped getting summoned for jury duty, which was okay with me. I'd already learned all I wanted to know about trials and courtroom procedures and no longer had an office that I wanted to avoid for a few days. Then on May 21st, a jury duty summons showed up in the mailbox. The selection process has been modernized over the years, and I replied online to simplify matters. I found myself wishing I had an excuse to avoid the whole thing, but if there's one goddamned thing I'm qualified to do, it's serve on a jury in the state of Texas. I had no sooner finished the online registration process when bang, here comes an e-mail from the district clerk notifying me to report to the courthouse at 9:00 am on Monday, June 28th, for jury service.

So I've had this pain in the ass hanging over me for five weeks. To make matters worse, I've been invited to a retirement reception on June 29th for a woman who was one of my very best workers when I supervised Leon County. I would really love to attend that and see how things are going with people I used to work with. If I have to miss it because of jury duty, I'll be in a very negative state of mind and in no mood to acquit whichever dumb bastard is on trial.